


It Was A Dark & Stormy Night

by Gildedmuse



Series: It Was A Dark & Stormy Night [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Challenge Response, Crime Fighting, Early Iron Man, First Lines Challenge, Gen, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Rain, Short Character Scene, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-15 22:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18678700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gildedmuse/pseuds/Gildedmuse
Summary: Why do criminals wait for the most cliche moments to commit crimes?





	It Was A Dark & Stormy Night

**Author's Note:**

> [Posted to Tumblr around 2013 as part of a series of fics all beginning with the same line.]

**Its Was A Dark & Stormy Night**

 

“Wow, you guys really couldn’t pick a worse night for crime, huh?”

 

On this particular night in late November it’s hard to make out much more than vague shapes through the torrent of rain - except of course when your suit comes with multiple cameras, filters, and light spectrum detectors allowing almost perfect vision in just about any possible weather condition. It makes identifying the four men loading up their truck (which they had even tried to hide behind the nearby dumpster in the dark, unlit alleyway leading Tony to believe they planned all their crimes based off movie scenes set in 1970s New York) full of stolen Stark goods so easy that Tony doesn’t even consider the viability outside his suit. Not until one of the thugs squints at him through the dark. “Hey who's there?”

 

Jesus, you know, if it weren’t so dark out Tony would have swung his helmet mask up. Not for any kind of dramatic identity reveal because, I mean, if people didn’t know at this point it seems like a wasted effort as clearly they aren’t even trying. No, it would have only been so they could see just how far back he is rolling his eyes right now.

 

“Um, hello, you broke into a Stark Industry shipment facility that is literally visible from Stark Tower.” Just in case they were stupid enough to still miss the point - and, hey, by now Tony really feels its only fair not to go underestimating these guys stupidity - he stands himself up a little straighter from his landing position and lights it up. Through the sound of rattling buildings and traffic you can hear the faint whirring of the suits mechanics as they put out enough power that even with the unrelenting storm you can make out the outline of red and gold and a soft but vivid blue as the Iron Man suit shows itself off.

 

Technically you could say it’s his arc reactor really kicking into high gear but, come on, we all know the sole function of that little piece of programing: it makes him looks even more awesome. As if that were somehow possible.

 

“Oh, good, I was starting to worry you guys weren’t going to recognize me,” Tony mutters mostly to himself as the thugs start to yell instructions at each other, having finally figured out what is going down. Ahh, cute, it looks like they came prepared, too. Machine guns and everything. “I mean, did you really figure I wasn’t going to show up? Or where you hoping that maybe the suit just didn’t work in the rain? Because that one is actual Captain America. I know, weird, right? But the whole shield thing just malfunctions when it gets wet.”

 

Tony takes his time walking towards the bullets, keeping up the light flow of conversation the whole time. I mean, once you’ve fought off so many of these run of the mill street thugs you realize how important really snappy dialog is to the flow of a good fight scene. Not that this is really much of a fight. “I can appreciate the setting though,” he adds, taking two of the guns at once and tossing them behind him before he grabs the two men by the collars, slamming them together. Another one has dropped his gun and started running off into the night while his partner stays behind to guard the truck, cursing him out the whole time. Tony’s not too worried about his little on foot escape attempt, of course, seeing as he is in a rocket powered superhero suit.

 

These guys. Honestly, it’s almost cute.

 

“I mean I get what you were going for,” Tony explains, jerking his head to the side as the thug tries knocking him out with the but of the gun. Because it bullets can’t stop him surely swatting at him with plastic will do the trick! “The whole crime-thriller atmosphere, the old fashion truck load up at the docks, really just perfectly on tone.” Tony grabs the wrist holding the gun and from the sound the guy makes might just break it. The knee to the guys shin definitely shatters something, though, and leaves him kneeling down on the truck floor moaning in pain, probably wishing he’d taken off with his friends. Or maybe chosen to steal from Hammer Tech. I mean, sure, most of their products aren’t even worth the price of free but, still, better than broken bones. Well, some of it anyway.  “I mean, you even waited for a dark and stormy night. That takes patients. Sure, it was totally pointless and didn’t really get you anything but cold and wet but, you know,” Tony rambles on as he drops him, having JARVIS do a scan of the three of them and also putting the call into the proper authorities. Just want to make sure they’ll stay down while he goes after their buddy. “I appreciate the effort. Honest.”


End file.
